A gaunt Ghost of Christmas Past has been spotted staggering about the Ness Islands this weekend. The underfed apparition is said to be in search of some of the festive frivolity that the town city used to enjoy just a few years ago.
Christmas in Inverness was once a grand affair. A winter wonderland brimming with Yuletide cheer and Christian rhymes/shameless capitalist opportunities would spring up at the Ness Islands every year. Children and out-of-work actors would come together in a yearly confederacy of Christmas cuntery that would delight and amuse the folk of Inverness and the visiting weirdos from beyond its boundaries.
But alas, that event is no more. The Highland Council has taken the ‘fun’ out of ‘funding cuts’ and left the town city bereft of a bloody good time once again.
The grief-stricken ghoul now haunts the Ness Islands every December, foraging for any faint flicker of Chrimbo past, but never finding anything remotely Christmassy to lessen its desire other than an occasional faintly glittered dog turd, deposited after the animal had got into the Christmas crackers early that year.
Will this poor wayfaring wraith ever be released from its eternal search for an Inverness Christmas? Fuck knows.
If you do spot the spectre, the Highland Paranormal Group have advised that one should approach with caution and be ready to engage in an impromptu round of Christmas charades with the ghost, lest ye perish. You should win though, ‘cos the silly twat always goes for ‘A Christmas Carol’ every bloody round.
Inverness Tourist Board 
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